approaching joy

Color Chronicles :: Wanting and Doing

I wrote this post earlier in the week while I was feeling super discouraged and frustrated about my lack of productivity.  Funny thing: Once I wrote it I almost immediately shook off the un-productivity and got to work.  I'm sharing in an effort to be real and to let people who are in a slump (blogging or otherwise) know that it's usually a passing thing.  

Warning: I am currently super frustrated at myself so this post is likely to come off as whiny and potentially irritating.  While I don't apologize for the genuine tone, I'd hate for any unsuspecting reader to stumble into this post looking for sunshine and only get my personal (and hopefully temporary) rainclouds.

It's no big revelation that there's a difference between wanting something and doing it.  
I could want to be the next Nora Ephron all day but until I actually start typing out words there is no chance that it will happen.  I could want to take the most gorgeous pictures ever but unless the camera comes out of that horrid little camera bag, awesome images won't magically happen.  It goes without saying, that it takes more than knowing how to type to be a writer and bringing the camera out to be a photographer (let a lone a good one) but those initial steps are necessary.
And lately, more often than not, these initial steps havn't been happening with me.

Before the move I was frustrated.  I felt stuck in a place where I had limited creative options/ opportunities; where my status quo revolved around a scholastic degree I actively questioned and, at times, seriously disliked.  The thought of being in this new, more exciting place seemed to be the answer to all my previous conundrums: More culture, other creative-types to work with, potential opportunity in every interaction, and a mall five minutes away... just in case I decided I needed to go shopping and didn't want it to be a 150 mile round trip.
And there are all these positive things:  Just in the past week, I've had offers to work with two sets of local women on two different yet wildly exciting projects.  If I had any kind of throwing arm I could chunk a rock through the receiving door of the nearest set of shops and can be at one of the nation's premiere museums of American art within 15 minutes of leaving my driveway.  I work with respected photographers and have a schedule that allows me to participate in any creative venture I choose.

But there's so much I didn't account for.
Those shops (and the 20 around it) can be a huge distraction.
Those projects could be great... but that doesn't stop me from being frightened by thinking of all the ways they could go wrong.
Just because I could be at a great art museum doesn't mean I am.
Just because I have the time to be creative doesn't mean I actually do. 

Is it my inability to handle distraction?
Is it the lack of structure or schedule?
Is it a lack of ambition, drive, motivation?
Or is it simply the presence of fear?  Is it that I am paralyzed by the fact that I now have the opportunity to go out and conquer the world of my choosing but am intimidated by the immensity of it all and the lack of a strict blueprint to show me where I need to go?

I am truthfully not sure but I do realize there is a major disconnect in my "wanting" and my "doing"... and it is pissing me off.

Only loosely related: 
I just read this author interview and though I have no clue who she is I totally get her idea of"headspace"... and neurotic childhood journaling. 

color chronicles :: a-lure-ing

Yes, it's a pun.  
Yes, these are fish lures (or maybe bobbers??)
Yes, they are in "this season's" colors that all the cool kids seem to be wearing. 
And yes, the "trendiness" of fishing and fashion seemed to be quite a juxtaposition which is why it caught my eye as we were getting our fishing licenses in Galveston this past weekend.

But I'm happy to report to neon lovers everywhere that old guys in non-trendy bleached out khaki cargo shorts have and will continue to use these bright (and beautiful... in their own way) little things way after the rest of us have moved on to the next "big thing".
Happy Thursday friends!! 

color chronicles :: perspective

Right before I moved, I went through some major nostalgia and tried to take a picture of everything I could.  I'm still not sure if I was trying to stop time or capture moments that I was (still am?) afraid I was never going to catch again.  Regardless of the reason, this was one of the images of which I was particularly proud.

It's the view from my grandparent's yard looking into the hay meadow.  The whole yard was lined in barbed wire, but there was this chain-link gate that provided easy access to the tractor barn (and, yes, the tractor barn has seen better days).  I couldn't start to count the number of times that I looked through the links of that fence; whether I was waiting for my dad to come in for lunch after cutting hay, watching my little brother walk down to fish in the pond a couple of fences away, or deciding whether I should risk the high grass to go visit the chicken coop, it seems like my childhood was spent viewing things from that perspective.

But here's the thing: I sent this image to my parents and they had no clue where I had taken this shot.  They both said something to the effect of, "Nice picture.  Where were you when you took it?"  These were two adults who have spent even more time on this piece of land than I did and they didn't even recognize it.  This absolutely blew my mind.
After I explained the "where" both my mom and dad explained that the chain-link had thrown them.  The chain-link gate, something they had unlatched and opened and closed and latched back hundreds of time over their lives was the thing they couldn't place.  But I realized that, as adults, they always had the height to look over it and a purpose to walk through it; there was no wistful gazing happening from their point of view.  While looking at the hay meadow they always had a to-do list that they would try to get done as soon as possible. 

It's because of this experience that this image will forever be my reminder  that "point of view" isn't just a figure of speech and that everyone had their own way of seeing the world.

color chronicles :: last glance

This is a love letter/unsolicited advice that I want to send to all of the people who have wriggled their way into my life these past two years who are graduating today who I consider to be my good friends... 

I say "wriggled" because "we" were not supposed to be friends.  
I say "not supposed to" because:
- You are so much younger than me.  How could we possibly relate?
- You are older and more established than I am.  How could I even try to understand your life?
- You were my employee and being friends with boss-type-people just screams trouble" around here. 
- You never interacted with the people in the stories that it takes me ten minutes to tell.

But, thankfully, we did become friends. 
And now you're graduating and positioned to do some pretty awesome things.  You guys have such a better perspective on life than I did when I was in your spot six years ago.  You're not so focused on "right now" and seem to have this great long term vision on things.  
Keep that.  That's what will get you through when times will inevitably get tough.

Second thing:
Those tough times suck.  And now that you're leaving this happy little cocoon of college the tough times may seem more raw than they have before.  Just remember, you're tough too.  I've seen all of you do things that you deemed "impossible" at the  beginning of the semester.  You'll be fine.

Don't bother with being overly humble.  
There is absolutely nothing wrong at knowing your strengths and being able to tell people what you are capable of doing.  People will be drawn in by your confidence and you will be able to have them stay because you are good people.

Lastly- Know that there is always something new to learn and go learn it.

color chronicles :: southern storm

{*New feature!! I hope "color chronicles" will become a place to use color and photography to tell a story, share a beautiful moment, and perhaps send a little inspiration your way. Let me know what you think.}

I went on a spur of the moment trip to Memphis this weekend and caught this image while riding shotgun in a U-Haul truck on the way back.  The moody blues and greens paired up with the muted beiges and taupes made me think of the significantly less happy but equally inspiring parts of spring.

For someone who grew up in south Arkansas (almost Louisiana/ practically Texas), the thought of a spring storm isn't anything revolutionary; in fact, it borders on mundane.  The fright from the occasional tornado warning is generally tempered by the relief that follows the cooler weather.  Hail storms are something to avoid getting caught in, but nothing that would affect plans any more than a "normal" rain shower.  Five, maybe, ten minutes of noisy inconvenience and everyone is free to check their vehicles for damage.

In east Arkansas, it's different.  Instead of the rolling hills and pine trees that I grew up accustomed to the Delta specializes in "flat" and "row crop farms".   That row of trees at the horizon?  That could easily be five fields and 800 acres away.  It's here that you can see that same storm when it is still miles (and fields and hours and skinny country roads) away.  

The Delta is not known for excelling in many things: it's a notoriously poor part of the state that which even other poor people in the state are ashamed. Other than rice production and the occasional waterfowl excursion it doesn't have a lot going for it.  
But anticipation... It has anticipation of impending doom down to an art. 

color layout :: pugly pixel

other places to find me :: colourlovers & instagram

 

*In the name of being a beginning blogger and still getting the hang of this whole blogging thing, I ask that you be patient with me as I experiment with a few different concepts over the next few weeks. You guys are seriously the greatest.