A few weekends back my mother and grandmother (who is "Nana") came to visit the Mister and I.
As I mentioned last week, I've been looking for a painting class and when I discovered that Beth Woessner was offering classes at a local art supply store/ studio I knew that I had found a good fit. They started this weekend and I thought, "What a perfect way to spend time with my family!"
Until I mentioned it to my grandmother. I sat and listened to her for 20 minutes tell me why she would be unable to paint a masterpiece during her first and only watercolor class.
"Oh no," she said. "I'm not a painter."
"What would I do with one class? I couldn't make anything beautiful in such a short time. Painting is all about shadows and I couldn't do that. Not like the people on TV."
And it broke my heart. She was so utterly convinced in her lack of skill that she was unwilling to even give the experience a chance. I could tell that sometime during her 84 years of life she had been convinced that if she isn't guaranteed a good outcome she was uninterested in the process of trying.
After getting off the phone with her I realized my feelings were hurt.
Partially it hurt me because she was turning down what I thought would be a fun way to spend time together. But more than that I realized that she had just expressed in one phone call, my guiding life philosophy, "I won't try if I won't excel."
How sad. For her, for myself, for all the opportunities that we have collectively missed with this closed off minset.
Eventually, she conceded and agreed to attend the classes with mom and I. But her original midset was still there. "I don't want to be perfect, but I do want to be good," she mentioned to the class.
By the end of class,we all made art.
It wasn't perfect and it might not have even been that good. But it was art and that is beautiful.