I started this post wanting to write about love.
How awesome it is and how happy I am that it has found me.
But even if I could find the words to articulate it (which I can not), you probably wouldn't be able to comprehend how Paige/love works anyway. This is not because you are incapable of understanding such topics but simply because I truly think that love is such a personal molecular thing that is difficult to "get" unless you are "in it".
So instead of talking about my love I want to talk about the place that this crazy amazing experience has brought me to.
The other day I was telling the Mister how happy I was. Not being one to take anything for face value he asked why. And I realized that though I knew I was happy, I hadn't sat still and thought about the reason why. A couple minutes later I found my reply:
"I feel I'm not in a state of free-fall madness that I've spent the majority of my adulthood flailing against. It's comforting and liberating and super rad." Now, I was wearing an off-the-shoulder sweater so that probably accounts for my 80's throwback word of "rad", but everything else was a perfectly accurate description.
My early twenties were spent in a perpetual state of "flail"- similar to "fail" but with a slightly more positive vibe and lots of erratic movements. Loads of erratic everything, in fact.
And, in a way, I'm glad that's how it happened. Lots and bunches of experiments and plenty of recovery time in between. Bouncing around like a pinball has helped me figure out under which parameters I operate best.
And yes, I realize that "comforting" and "liberating" seem to be diametrically opposed to one another but really it's so very true. In my own crazy amazing version of molecular Paige/love, it has been the opportunity to be totally honest and "me" (flailing included) that has freed me to be the version of that I knew I was capable of, the version that always seemed just out of my reach before. I'm by no means "done," but the person I am today is ten times more secure, confident, and strong than anything I have been before; I really like that person.
These are pictures that the Mister took while we were in Hot Springs a couple of weeks back.
Before, my the demonstration of my amazingly awkward "Super Bass" moves would have resembled the state of affairs in my life (i.e. flail). Now, it's just further proof that I'm having fun and I don't care who sees.
{Side-note: My inner "you've been single for a much longer time than anything else"-girl wants me to reaffirm that I don't believe that romantic love "makes" anything happen. I simply believe that love can illuminate and/or reflect the good things that have been there all along. It's not a necessary ingredient for anyone's personal awesomeness.
I may not know you personally know you but if you've stuck with me through out this full blog post I think you're pretty awesome.}
Agree? Disagree?
Let me know.